Some things about Radio 1

The Chris Moyles Show and Breakfast Dilemma Chris Moyles is good and so is his team. They’re not young but they’re youthful and fun. Noone currently needs to take over the breakfast show (especially not Greg James) so stop talking about it. This is all. Keep doing what you’re doing Moyles.

Fearne Cotton Cotton has the rare combination of being quite boring but also really sure of how great she is. In as much as she is positive and chirpy and generally welcoming, noone can listen to her for more than ten minutes without smacking themselves over the head with a casserole dish to make it stop. R1 needs to carefully calibrate their rations of indie tracks:Fearne talking about boring non-events during the 10am-1pm show so as not to kill off their target audience. Also Fearne needs to be banned from talking about Celebrity Juice all the time and have a limit on how many times she can mention cake and her boyfriend. We should also stop letting her pick ‘indie tracks’ and give the Live Lounge to someone who is competent.

Scott Mills Mills would pretty much rather be in Ibiza, blasting club tunes to ravers with poppers, but he’s domiciled in the UK and doesn’t mind coming into Radio 1 for a few hours and to be fair he is one of the funniest DJs. Becky, however, makes the show because she’s a Bantersaurus Rex. Chris is funny too but only amounts to about 3/5 of a Becky. This should be the proper drivetime show, and not…

Greg Freakin’ James One time Greg James posted a video on Twitter of a band we’d all known about for a year and pretended he’d ”discovered new music” as if he’s a coach on The Voice *guffaws*, and when I called him out on it he replied in a typicall arrogant fashion and THIS IS INDICATIVE OF HIS PROBLEM. Greg James, I think, has quite a casual approach to music and musicianship. He’s a little bit too concerned with being cool and hip and attractive, and not that concerned with being funny or sharing new music. This seems to work for the nation as a whole, but I do not enjoy his show. He is pretty dull and just like any lad from a small town in the South, just that he has a radio show.

What a bellend.

Sara Cox The friendly bumbling auntie of Radio 1, Sara Cox is a joy and a wonder and I don’t know why she’s used as some kind of supply teacher when she’s one of the best DJs. Her ramblings about food are cute and her laugh is cheeky. That is what we need in DJs (in DJs we trust etc etc).

ZANE LOWE IS JUST A MAN WHO SHOUTS EVERYTHING IN AN ACCENT.

Vernon Kay Hanging around from the 90s like a bad smell, this guy stopped being funny after he had that affair with some model and ruins Saturday mornings for the nation. Get him outta there and let him front awful ITV quiz shows until his career dwindles away into selling professional home teeth whitening products.

Twitter The @BBCR1 account invades the feed every now and again with ridiculous links to Kelly Clarkson live lounges and pictures from listeners and information about Fearne’s shoes. This is not OK. Also, the individual DJ accounts are all just boring things about the show but anything these idiots say get 50+ retweets. It is ludicrous. Kudos to @edibow who is actually interesting though.

The 1Xtra Link I don’t want to be bombarded with links and websites related to urban music just because I’m less than 29 years old. And I hate Gemma Cairney. Just be separate radio stations and if we WANT to listen to Chris Brown and Labrinth 34 times a day, we’ll find you.

The Obsession With Harry Styles (Grimmers) This boy is something like 17. He is in a new manufactured boyband who have only had three singles and R1 needs to realise that there are other ways of getting youth to tune in than just to have Harry Styles’ voice on every link. He is not interesting or nice or funny and he needs to be off the radio. Grimmers (Nick Grimshaw, R1’s quirky androgynous uncle) is the main culprit of inviting Styles onto every radio show he does and this needs to end. Before we know it, Zain will be on Fearne’s show and Louis will have his own weekend show and WHERE WILL IT END.

Sometimes, Tumblr is amazing

The Playlist Too much generic dance/R&B music, and too much Plan B. Despite the BBC rivalry, there’s also some kind of blanket rule on any X Factor act being A-listed. Also Paloma Faith and Will.I.Am are there and I don’t know why. Also they play ‘We Are Young’ every thirty minutes and it’s getting ridiculous now.

This was more negative than I expected considering I am a Radio 1 listener. But in summary, Sara Cox should run this ship.

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